Diary of a Yoga retreat - Day 8 - am class

We began as we have for the eight day in a row with some breathing. No stand up comic this morning, which is satisfying. Just light, liquid light filling my body. Uplifting my soul, I am feeling really good. The sugar has worn off now and has left the building. That is a huge relief to my entire being. The absence of sugar has stilled my mind in its wanting for it and released my body with the absence of its toxicity. Sugar had a huge grip on all of me and 8 days is enough to let it go.

I am still having the odd dessert after dinner but no longer the entire block of Lindt chocolate to myself on the sofa each night. This feels great and really my body is responding so well. Absorbing yourself in a yoga retreat is a real challenge but also a gift. I am opening my present slowly and surely and very much enjoying what is beneath the wrapping.

I go within with this breathing. The 8 limbs of Ashtanga Yoga, the path to a happier soul and a calmer mind are available to me here. They are at home also but there I am a busy mama. Here I can release myself to their teaching and feel the benefits the same day, in fact instantly. I am living evidence that it is possible to access a clarity I earlier thought not possible. Nice work mama.

Consistent dedicated practice makes it possible to access the true nature of yourself. This is true and this morning I am feeling like myself, very nice! Like me. Not me wrestling with myself and what I could or should be, what I was and will be but me, just me. Right now on this mat I feel the essence of myself. This feels peaceful and quiet, just like the books say. It must be true, it is possible.

As we progressed through the standing postures of the primary series of Ashtanga Yoga I only felt that deepen. That sense of connectedness to myself and my being, to the centre of who I am. Whilst admittedly I was moving, the practice began to feel as though I was simply standing within myself and this was a profound experience for me this morning. A moving meditation.

What came to me during this experience was a love and a longing for my family back home. 4 days and I am home. My practiced continued and I felt them more strongly. I want to hug and cuddle my children and husband, they are good people. I want to enjoy now though because in 4 days time I will be making the lunches and doing the school run. Be present I remind myself, this is a gift.

The peace I felt on arrival to this retreat, resting from the daily routine has been wonderful but now I want to see my kids. I want to wake up all four of us in bed together, squished up but happy. Laughing at the busyness of the day ahead and the chaos of our household. I want to revel in that. I am ready to go home and that feels great.

I have been to Bali many times now and I am never short of admiration for this island. Bali holds a lot of magic and I appreciate it. This yoga retreat and the time spent with my sister has been a luxury that I would not have imagined possible for me at this time in my life. The mama in me is reawakening though. I put her to sleep for a little while but she has woken herself up. Yogamama. That is what I am and I am ready for home.

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