Diary of a Yoga retreat - day 8 - thoughts

Leg lifts and core strength training. Surprisingly I have become used to these exercises and actually have started to enjoy them. I now see the wisdom of my teacher's thoughts and actions..

If your core becomes strong your centre will be aligned and you will be able to stand tall with ignited bhandas and an open heart. That is what you want for everyday life. Standing tall with a shining heart. Chest open. A strong body. This is how we begin then we come to sitting and begin pranayama.

I have also learnt to love pranayama (controlled breathing exercises). I do love the breathing but it is not always easy for me. Today, however I feel it from within. An amazing new journey is taking place for me with this breathing. I am beginning to feel all the things the books talk about. An extended spine from the ground up is a good and grounding feeling. An awareness of my heart centre and the lengthening of my spine allows me to open through the chest. This feels great.

Yoga is definitely a tool for powerful personal transformation but it does not happen overnight. It is not an easy process. That is the truth. You don't just go for one jog and become fit. There needs to be some work done and yoga is no different. I realize I have been practicing pranayama for some time and it is just now starting to work within me.

We all begin to breathe together. My teacher has divided us into three groups for the pranayama (dependent on experience). Beginners, middle and advanced. I am in the advanced group (who would ever have thought that is where I would find myself, but here I am).

First round of the breathing we all complete together, in, out, in, out. One call of ohm and we sit still. In and out, following the lead from our teacher. She is a great leader and we all own our practice of pranayama. People are still fidgeting, they will do for quite a long time to tell the truth. The fidgeting takes some time to relinquish. I can feel the guy to my left, he is watching me when he should be concentrating on his own breath not mine. I can feel him soaking up my vibration though and that is quite nice. We have the power to help and facilitate the process just through sitting still with yoga and that is quite amazing.

We sing again and today I am feeling quite free.It is clear to me that singing will never be a profession for me but today it is kind of fun, well almost fun. I feel to cry. Just because after 39 years I have finally found my voice. I have learned to let go. My heart can sing a song and I can allow that to happen. Good work. Without ego.

Chanting has a place in everyday life but is used so little. It is the positive vibration that is created from chanting that draws us in. My children love it. Babies love it, they will go quiet if people chant ohm around them.. Finding your voice is a good day.