Diary of a Yoga retreat - Day 9 - thinkings

Pattabhi Jois says that the Ashtanga Yoga system is a massage from within. I am starting to agree with him. It takes constant practice and determination but the massage from the inside is beginning to take hold of me. I can feel that I am wringing out the yucky stuck energy and leaving room for clarity and light to take its place.

The inverted postures are said to help us to conquer fear within. I didn't really understand this until quite recently.

Inverted postures are shoulders stands and head stands and back bends in the primary series. This is where we are upside down. Many people find this extremely scary. I have not found this to be true so far but now in second series I understand what they are talking about. There are many back bends and upside down postures in the second series of Ashtanga Yoga.

I have the posture Pincha Mayurasana in my practice now. It is very full on and quite frankly, scares me to bits. For this posture you must balance on your fore arms and go up into a hand stand. Your head is off the ground and you need to balance hanging in the air. It looks good but is extremely difficult to balance without a teacher or a wall nearby.

I find this quite terrifying. The thought of going over and landing in a back bend situation scares me a lot. I am told that it does not hurt but I do not want to find out. I have had this posture for some time now and it is only during this retreat that I am slowly releasing abit of the fear.

Pressing my hands into the mat and attempting to keep my forearms deeply embedded in the mat I lift one leg at a time toward the heavens. I find it scary to bring them right up without a teacher. That falling over scares me. On this retreat though I am getting a grip on myself.

Today for the first time I managed to go up into this posture and stay there by myself. This style of yoga is amazing in that you can work your way through the practice learning something new about your body each day. This is amazing for someone my age. I am only 39 but learning to do new tricks with your body is illuminating for me.

So I went up today and my mind was screaming at me to get back down. I didn't listen and pressed my hands and forearms into the mat and stayed there. I breathed and stayed. My exit is not as glamorous as it needs to be and I can work on that but I got up there.

Taking hold of your mind and telling it what to do rather than the other way around is one of the great gifts of yoga. Our minds are incredibly strong and influence all that we are and the way we behave. If we take control of the mind we are taking control of ourselves and showing ourselves the way and the light.

Pincha Mayurasana may only be a posture in the second series of Ashtanga Yoga but it is helping me to get control of myself and to believe I can do amazing things. It is a comforting thought that I will come closer to my own being the older I get. Learning to complete this posture and continue to breathe and not hold my breath is a great lesson and symbolic for life.

We are able to choose what we want in life and turning ourselves upside down is a great way to shake ourselves up and see what we think and have inside.

I am learning a new way of being and it is quite lovely actually. Upside down life is illuminating and very possible.

Taking control of fear in your life and removing it is possible. We can all do it if we take the time and the effort is made.